My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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