Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
