The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
