I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
