It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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