this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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