Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
