im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
