I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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