My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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