4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
