There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
