He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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