Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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