absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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