Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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