god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Randomize
