I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize