From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the day after is always just damage control
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
