Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
3pm strippers are depressing
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
