when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
