My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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