very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
