if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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