now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
