Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
