We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
