She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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