She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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