I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
