god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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