T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
