im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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