Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
