Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
