and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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