I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
