Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize