Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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