No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
