Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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