Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
