i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
