if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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