I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
soo... how was my night?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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