i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
