like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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