Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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