just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
