Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
