a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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