were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
