I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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