I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
