guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize