i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
