Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
