it's not cheating when I paid for it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
