The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
