mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
