on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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