I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
