there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
