Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
