Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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