i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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