Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
