last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
