Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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