I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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