literally had 100 drinks last night.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
