K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
