Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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