We're facebook friends in real life
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
