..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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