yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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