i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
