He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
