There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
