I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
