what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
