walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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