remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you win again, gameday.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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